Why people recoil

We’ve all had the experience of feeling drawn to another and then having them disappear, evaporate, imagesjust sink away from us….and then we wonder. Was it my breath? Something I said? What did I do to push them away from me?


Sometimes this is a function of the person being drawn elsewhere, and other times it is a product of their connection style. Emotional intimacy is a challenge and we each come to one another with different perspectives, needs, and capacities.  Finding like-minded minds and hearts is an exploration–finding the match for you in work, friendship, or affairs of the heart takes courage and dedication.  It is important to balance insecurity with compassion for the other. We all have our story.

There are a series of questions for you to ponder:images-1

  1. Do you have an awareness of how much you need from another person?
  2. What are you willing to do in an effort to facilitate emotional intimacy?
  3. How are you gauging what the needs of the other person are?
  4. Are you being authentic in your assessment of how good a match you are?
  5. Do you have a gut instinct about the value of your needs versus the needs of the other?

These questions beg for you to quiet your mind, gut, and heart…and be honest. There are multiple matches in each kind of relationship for everybody. If one dynamic doesn’t feel right, be thankful for the experience, take the goodness of it, and keep the pathway clear for the right candidate. When you do the work to build your inner strength and love yourself, this is possible to do in a state of confidence, not heart-1137263_960_720

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